i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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