she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
