please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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