I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
