between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
