My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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