The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
