Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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