I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize