i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Randomize
