I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
