God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
