oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
