my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize