It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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