Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
