I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
