Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
