I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
