Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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