I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
