I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
