She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
