Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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