Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Don't tell me you're on acid again
its liver damage thursday
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
