why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
