i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize