I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
