Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
