But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize