So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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