If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
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