You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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