He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
