You really coming over, don't trick.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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