Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
