Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize