bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
