We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
