I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
