he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
vagina is talking i cant
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
