It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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