I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize