Tell her she can't have a vagina
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
