before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize