Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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