i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
