i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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