I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
