in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
