3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
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