My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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