Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
