my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
