Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
