You really coming over, don't trick.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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