Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
