Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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