ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
