Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
