the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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