8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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