If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize