dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
