Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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