Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I understand Curling. That high.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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