Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
