i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
