It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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