The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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