pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
