haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
