i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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