forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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