she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
So apparently I’m into choking now
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
