i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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