The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
