I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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