grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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