why didn't you poke me back
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
