you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just gift wrapped bread.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
