I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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