In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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