My first STD was from a foam party
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
