I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
