I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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