We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
