i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize