That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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