he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
