you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
