turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
