My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
