Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
