Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
