Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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