Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I love you. Go after that dick
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize