I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
