two words: eviction party
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
