She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
