The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Send help, water and tortillas.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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