Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
