She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
