you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
