we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize